So I went back to work this week.  *cue the mom guilt*

I am very excited to be back to my school job, I really do love it...but part of me feels bad for not being home with Colin.  That same part feels equally guilty because I am having to rely on my dad, mother-in-law, and mawmaw to help me with the boys.  Working, getting Finley to and from school and getting Colin to and from his school requires some juggling skills.

Relying on others is hard for me.  I have always wanted to do everything for myself.  Don't ask for help, just be self-sufficient.  Oh, and also be the best at everything I set out to do as well, because #perfectionist.

Years ago, I participated in a Bible study that had a lesson on vanity.  I remember thinking, "Okay, this one isn't for me.  I don't like how I look, so I am far from vain."  That's what vanity was to me, knowing that you're pretty and having a pompous attitude about it.  This lesson though, it gave me a new take on what vanity means.  It said that, if you only set out to do things that you know you're successful at, then you are vain.  Your vanity lies in the love of "being the best."

Wow.  That hit me like a ton of bricks because it described me to a T.

I lived my life that way forever.  If I did something, I had to be the best.  If I was going to be second place, I just stopped altogether because if you ain't first, you're last.  (Thanks, Ricky Bobby.)

I have written before that God has used "bad" situations for my good.  For teaching me lessons that I needed to learn.  This is another one of those situations and lessons learned.

My kids need me, but I cannot do and be everything.  God did not create us to be self-sufficient.  We need Him, and we need each other.

So I have to give up that pride, tame down the vanity, and ask others for help.  I need to accept their offers to watch Colin, drive him to school, or pick Finley up from school when I can't.  This isn't about me trying to "do it all" and be supermom.  It is about taking care of my kids and making sure they have what they need.  In order for that to happen, I have to rely on my village.

I am thankful that I have the village that I have.  Our family is happy to step up and help us help our kids, and I wholeheartedly appreciate their help.

And just like we learned in Talladega Nights, the if you ain't first you're last mindset is just can be second place, third place, there's even a fourth place!  But really, this life isn't a race or a competition, and it's okay to need help sometimes! 

And also, mom guilt is unlikely to ever go away, so just accepting that as part of your life is probably best.

 (FYI, totally writing this for my own future reference and encouragement, because I know I'm going to need in the coming school year!)


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