This is Me




Dear Sweet Boy,

Right now, you are taking a nap after a busy day.  You worked your little bum off at ABA therapy today, and you did amazing.  You worked on a fluency program and completed 8 tasks in 15 seconds!

I'm so proud of you!

Then I got home and checked Facebook.  A friend had tagged me in a video.  It was a boy with autism, and he was dancing to the song "This is Me" from The Greatest Showman. 

Mommy had herself an ugly cry.  Really, it was not pretty.  At all.

Then I looked up the song on Youtube and listened to it on repeat.  (Yes. I know, I was shocked too...Youtube does have more than just Sesame Street and Mickey Mouse....I know!!)

I had myself some more of that ugly cry.

This song talks about the world, and how it can make you feel less than. 

Not good enough. 

Unworthy. 

We are often made to feel like we should be ashamed of who we are, and we need to hide ourselves away.  I know I've felt that way many times.  Our differences are often picked apart instead of being celebrated

..and I worry about you, my Col-butt, because your autism makes you different.  You don't fit "the mold," so to speak.

I worry about how the world sees you.

I worry about how they will treat you.

Most of all, I worry about how the world might make you feel about yourself.

But that song....

While it makes me cry, it also makes me smile.

Because you are worthy.

You are amazing. You're smart and you're funny.  You are beautiful...and a little bit rotten.

You might be different, but that is what makes you special.

I hope and pray that you always know how great you are and how loved you are.  Never let anyone make you feel bad about who you are.

Starting today, I, as your Mommy, will stop making excuses.  I will stop explaining away your behaviors with an "oh, he's autistic."

Because Colin, you don't need to make any apologies for who you are.  Just keep marching to your own beat, because this is who you're meant to be.

...now I really need to watch this movie.

You know, because Hugh Jackman.





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