What I See
Trying to come up with a "first" blog post is always hard. Like, do I go deep and philosophical? Or do I keep it light and fun? Decisions, decisions. I assume if you're here, you might have a child on the spectrum too. Or maybe you're just curious about what I have to say. Regardless, maybe this writing will be super relatable to you, or maybe you'll get a new perspective.
As
a therapist, I always felt like a pretty decent judge of kids.
That kid has a
phonological disorder. He’s frustrated
because the adult doesn’t understand he wants a “dog” when he says “gog.”
That kid has a
receptive language delay. He isn’t being
bad, he just didn’t understand the direction.
That kid is on the
spectrum. He’s getting overwhelmed in
this big, loud room.
As
a parent, I observe how people react to my child. Most reactions are just fine. Some are down-right rude, and I really want
to give them the what-for, but I’m trying to do what Jesus would do (and
strangely, I’m getting better at this than I ever thought possible!) So I’ve come up with a little “you see/I see”
to demonstrate how I see things as Colin’s mom.
WHAT I SEE
You
see a boy screaming in the Walmart checkout line who has to be wrangled by his
mom. I see a boy who made it through the
store while staying in the buggy and didn’t scream until the very end.
You
see a boy twisting his mommy’s ears and her in obvious plain. You think he needs a spanking. I see a boy who is frustrated because he
can’t tell mommy that he is done sitting in this buggy. I think he just wants a voice (and to be done
with this awful “shopping” thing!)
You
see a boy who is “too big to be in pull-ups.”
I see a boy who uses the potty really well at home, but being out and
about, you never know how far you might be from a bathroom, so we try to
prepare for accidents.
You
see a boy who won’t sit still in church, and always has a juice in his hand
while in the sanctuary. I see a boy who
needs the oral stimulation to calm himself, and I am so proud of him because he
sat on my lap for eight minutes at the beginning of church! AND he sat and watched the teenagers while
they sang during offertory music.
You
see a boy who goes up front at church for the children’s sermon, but he might
wander a little rather than sit down. I
am crying happy tears because, as he sat on my lap, he saw all of the other
kids go up front, and he wanted to go too!
You
see a little boy who stands in the middle of the other kids’ games and “gets in
the way.” I see a boy who is interested
in being with the other kids, even if he isn’t “playing.”
You
see a boy just walking hand in hand with his parents as they go down the
street. I see a boy who is FINALLY
holding my hand when go out in public instead of running from me.
You
see a boy who won’t cooperate with doctors and nurses, or any type of medical
professional really. I see a boy who is
scared because he’s had some bad experiences, and he has a great memory of said bad experiences.
You
see a boy who doesn’t talk yet. I see a
boy who FINALLY jabbers, when just this time last year, he made very few speech
sounds at all.
You
see a boy screaming the shrillest, most-deafening scream you have ever
heard. It hurts your ears and you wish
his parents hadn’t brought him out today, because “if my kid acted like that, I
wouldn’t take him places.” I see a boy
who I love dearly and am heartbroken because he does not have the words to
express to me his feelings, so he screams because that’s the only way he can
communicate his displeasure with whatever is happening right now.
You
see a boy with special needs. I see a beautiful
boy who loves his family. He loves cars,
swings, trampolines, Disney movies, taking a bath, pom poms, and strings. I see a boy who loves to play chase and hide
and seek. He loves cuddling and gives
some of the best hugs you’ll ever get. I
see a boy who loves music and hates commercials. (Dang YouTube and its 11
second commercials. #firstworldproblems). He loves mule rides and feeding the fish in
the pond. He loves dirt and playing in
the leaves. I see a smart boy who struggles
with things that are easy for you and me.
I see a boy who will do great things.
As his mom, I will make sure of that.
I wish you could see what I see.
You
see, I see where he’s come from to where he is now. I see all of the tiny baby steps that have
been so painstakingly earned. I see my
baby boy who I love more than I love donuts.
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