What I See

Trying to come up with a "first" blog post is always hard.  Like, do I go deep and philosophical?  Or do I keep it light and fun?  Decisions, decisions.  I assume if you're here, you might have a child on the spectrum too.  Or maybe you're just curious about what I have to say.  Regardless, maybe this writing will be super relatable to you, or maybe you'll get a  new perspective. 

As a therapist, I always felt like a pretty decent judge of kids. 

That kid has a phonological disorder.  He’s frustrated because the adult doesn’t understand he wants a “dog” when he says “gog.”

That kid has a receptive language delay.  He isn’t being bad, he just didn’t understand the direction.

That kid is on the spectrum.  He’s getting overwhelmed in this big, loud room.

As a parent, I observe how people react to my child.  Most reactions are just fine.  Some are down-right rude, and I really want to give them the what-for, but I’m trying to do what Jesus would do (and strangely, I’m getting better at this than I ever thought possible!)  So I’ve come up with a little “you see/I see” to demonstrate how I see things as Colin’s mom. 

WHAT I SEE

You see a boy screaming in the Walmart checkout line who has to be wrangled by his mom.  I see a boy who made it through the store while staying in the buggy and didn’t scream until the very end.

You see a boy twisting his mommy’s ears and her in obvious plain.  You think he needs a spanking.  I see a boy who is frustrated because he can’t tell mommy that he is done sitting in this buggy.  I think he just wants a voice (and to be done with this awful “shopping” thing!)

You see a boy who is “too big to be in pull-ups.”  I see a boy who uses the potty really well at home, but being out and about, you never know how far you might be from a bathroom, so we try to prepare for accidents. 

You see a boy who won’t sit still in church, and always has a juice in his hand while in the sanctuary.  I see a boy who needs the oral stimulation to calm himself, and I am so proud of him because he sat on my lap for eight minutes at the beginning of church!  AND he sat and watched the teenagers while they sang during offertory music. 

You see a boy who goes up front at church for the children’s sermon, but he might wander a little rather than sit down.  I am crying happy tears because, as he sat on my lap, he saw all of the other kids go up front, and he wanted to go too!

You see a little boy who stands in the middle of the other kids’ games and “gets in the way.”  I see a boy who is interested in being with the other kids, even if he isn’t “playing.”

You see a boy just walking hand in hand with his parents as they go down the street.  I see a boy who is FINALLY holding my hand when go out in public instead of running from me. 

You see a boy who won’t cooperate with doctors and nurses, or any type of medical professional really.  I see a boy who is scared because he’s had some bad experiences, and he has a great memory of said bad experiences.

You see a boy who doesn’t talk yet.  I see a boy who FINALLY jabbers, when just this time last year, he made very few speech sounds at all.

You see a boy screaming the shrillest, most-deafening scream you have ever heard.  It hurts your ears and you wish his parents hadn’t brought him out today, because “if my kid acted like that, I wouldn’t take him places.”  I see a boy who I love dearly and am heartbroken because he does not have the words to express to me his feelings, so he screams because that’s the only way he can communicate his displeasure with whatever is happening right now.

You see a boy with special needs.  I see a beautiful boy who loves his family.  He loves cars, swings, trampolines, Disney movies, taking a bath, pom poms, and strings.  I see a boy who loves to play chase and hide and seek.  He loves cuddling and gives some of the best hugs you’ll ever get.  I see a boy who loves music and hates commercials. (Dang YouTube and its 11 second commercials.  #firstworldproblems).  He loves mule rides and feeding the fish in the pond.  He loves dirt and playing in the leaves.  I see a smart boy who struggles with things that are easy for you and me.  I see a boy who will do great things.  As his mom, I will make sure of that.  I wish you could see what I see. 

You see, I see where he’s come from to where he is now.  I see all of the tiny baby steps that have been so painstakingly earned.  I see my baby boy who I love more than I love donuts.