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Before I Knew

Before I knew that it was autism, I wondered what was wrong.

Why didn't you look at me when I said your name?  Could you hear?  Did you understand what I was saying to you?  Is this something you'll outgrow?  As a speech language pathologist, did I just "know too much" and read into things more than I should have?

Before I knew that it was autism, I worried about you.
Why didn't you babble like babies are supposed to do?  Why weren't you talking?  Would things get better?  Would you be okay? 
Before I knew that it was autism, I was scared.
What is wrong with my baby?  Why does everything seem to be so hard?  Would things just "click" for you one day, or would everything always be a struggle?  Would you ever learn new things?  Could you learn?  

Before I knew that it was autism, I questioned myself.
Did I do something wrong to cause your delays?  Was this all my fault?  What was I missing?  Clearly, it was me and I needed to do more to help you.  Wha…

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